Insane Reality
by The Hero of Time 1998
Summary: What happens when four deranged Zelda fans decide to get together and play Wind Waker? Well let's just say they go on one helluva journey. Tanya and Tara, having experienced something like this before, use their prior knowledge to survive in the flooded land, but it is there that the quartet discover something spectacular about themselves... Rated T for the OC's potty mouths
1. Deja vu, anyone?

**Greetings, fellow adventurers! Hope y'all had an awesome Christmas!**

**My OC, Tanya: This is a completely different fanfic from SS: TAI and you're ****_still doing that stupid greeting? Really?!_**

**My other OC, Tara: No use spazzing out, Tanz. You'll just be ignored. Besides, Venturian Tale thought it up first.**

**Tanya: *pout* Hmph.**

**…****alright... Well anyways, to any readers who don't know me or them, 'ello! I'm known as The Hero of Time 1998 (but to my OCs I'm referred to as 'baka'). This fanfic, Insane Reality, is a collaboration between me and another author on this website: TheMultiColoredPencil, who came up with the title. After a ****_lot_**** of PMs and planning (also a lot of weirdness and yelling OCs) we managed to come up with a plotline for this fanfic. So basically, two of my OCs and two of TMCP's OCs will… yeah, just read this fic and find out. Enjoy! *pulls out remote thingy***

**Tara: Wait, you ****_still_**** have that thing?!**

***ignores and presses button on it***

**-TLoZ-**

**SKYWARD SWORD: TWO ADDED IN  
><strong>**A Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Self-Insert**

**Crap, wrong one, uhm… *presses another button***

**-TLoZ-**

**INSANE REALITY  
><strong>**A Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Self-Insert**

Characters (excluding OCs) and scenario belong to the fabulous Nintendo!  
>Mickey and Evie belong to TheMultiColoredPencil<br>Tanya and Tara belongs to The Hero of Time 1998  
>Chapter 1 by The Hero of Time 1998<p>

Chapter 1: Déjà vu, anyone?

**-TLoZ-**

**Ah, that's it.**

**Tara: Wait, ****_it works for this fic as well?!_**

*****TANYA'S POV*****

**_Day:_**_Monday 20__th__ January, 2014_

**_Location: _**_Home, the real world_

**_Written by:_**_Tanya_

_Okay… so, not much to write here, really._

_2013 has come and gone, and 'tis now ze year 2014!_

_Happay New Yurr to me._

_I've somehow managed to endure Christmas with my family; it actually wasn't that bad. The parents are out at some fancy Chinese restaurant on a date (which is weird, they're both nearly 50), trusting me enough to leave me by myself for a couple hours at Hyrule Castle (a.k.a my house)._

_…__Well, I __would__ have been by myself, but barely three seconds after my parents left, three of my good friends, Tara, Evie and Mickey, nearly knocked down my front door and announced: "PARTAAAAAAAAAY!"_

_Simultaneously._

_And they raided my kitchen._

_They were obviously prepared for the onslaught; they brought over their own Zelda games and consoles from home, even a few pillows._

_It's not that I mind their company, far from it, they're my best friends but… seriously, they eat all my food. I can see Tara starting on her fifth bowl of cookies for crying out loud. And I already gave them pizza._

_I'm seriously wondering whether giving them my address was a good idea._

Just when I jab the page with my quill to make a full-stop, I hear someone curse: "Shit!" followed by a loud _smash_ originating from the kitchen. After three seconds, I touch the pen back onto the paper.

_Obviously not._

Without even looking up to see who did it, I holler out in a loud voice: "_MICKEY GRACE!"_

A voice called out in response: "_SORR-AAAAAAY!_"

Shaking my head, I continue writing:

_I wonder if there's a funeral parlour for potted plants currently in existence._

I scoff slightly.

_…__yeah, that totally made sense._

_Well NOW, the trio and I are just hanging around in my living room at 10'o'clock at night, watching Evie play Wind Waker HD on my Wii U. The parents said they'd be out until about two in the morning, so I really should get another pot plant before I'm grounded. __Again__._

"Yo Tanya!" a voice called out, interrupting my writing.

"Mmm?" I look up and see Evie Mae sitting in the player's beanbag chair sitting in front of the 53" plasma TV I had convinced my parents to buy, neck twisted to face me.

Em uncharacteristically smiles sweetly at me. "…help me?"

I stared unimpressed at her and I had the great urge to facepalm, a distant memory involving a Jelly Blob resurfacing. "…really Em? I thought you played Wind Waker before."

Em pouted. "I did," she whined, pretending to be insulted.

"This is only the Earth Temple! It's not _that_ hard!"

"I just don't know how to use a Wii U! This is my first go!"

"It's not really that hard to _learn_! It's pretty much a modern day Nintendo 64! It took me _half a minute_ to learn to use it!"

"But you're a brainiac; you learn things quickly! _Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaase?_"

"_Evie Mae…_" I say through gritted teeth, really starting to get ticked off.

Evie Mae (whom we've nicknamed Em, just because we're lazy) had straight, dirty-blonde hair, almost a light honey brown with the bottom dyed a nice aqua that reaches her stomach, which she usually wears out. Around 15-ish years old, she had crystal blue eyes, light skin and a petite figure.

Her personality, though, is _far_ from petite. She's very sarcastic, but quite funny and quick to snap at people. She usually wears, and is currently wearing, black skinny jeans, some sort of grey shirt and black and white converse shoes, onto which she painted various Zelda symbols. She also speaks in a British accent, which is surprisingly mellifluous and reminds me of England from Hetalia.

Em just blinks at me, characteristically frowning. She doesn't even have the decency to _pretend_ to be scared. "_Tanya Hackett…_" she growls back, trying to annoy me even more.

Tanya Hackett. Me. I have a friend that calls me Hinata because she can never remember if I'm Tanya or Tara, and she happens to be a Narutard. The youngest out of the quartet, I'm only thirteen, but I look a lot older. A cashier in the cinemas though I went to university when I just started _college_. I'm quite tall, I have tanned skin, brown eyes and hair. My favourite and usual garb which I always wear is my Song of Storms hoodie, a 'Don't make me go Zelda on you' T-Shirt, jeans and canvas shoes decorated with Triforces.

There's nothing characteristically special about me except my personality and my hair length, the latter usually worn in a waist-length braid.

I'll just sum up my whole personality in one word: Eccentric.

I yell a lot. I swear too much. I'm a fangirl. I am a moose. There should be a whole asylum all for me; my brain is such a big ball of weird.

Also… I don't usually admit this, but I'm schizophrenic. I found out about that not too long ago, actually, a few months tops. Seriously, after thirteen years of being alive you'd think I'd have found out sooner. But… thing is, I have _two_ types of schizophrenia.

One: I have a voice in my head that I can talk to, even argue with.

No, seriously.

Dubbed 'Nayru', it is almost exactly like a completely different person living in my head. I don't even know if it has a _gender_. Man, I can imagine what my face looked like when I found out.

Apparently, 'normal' people with voices in their heads claim that the voices are actually quite dangerous. They tell you to do stupid things, like jumping off of cliffs and killing yourself and stuff. Nayru doesn't. She… he… _it _just pops in periodically and just talks to me about stuff. Having no control over Nayru (I'm just gonna call it 'she'), she chooses when she talks to me. When she isn't, I don't hear anything so I honestly wonder if she's still in my head or not.

And that's only _one_ schizophrenia type I have. The other… yeesh I… uhm…

I have a split-personality.

I could be totally weird, silly and fun-loving, and then I space out for one second. All of a sudden I'm serious, sober and pragmatic. I guess Zant and I would get along well, because I'm pretty sure that the weird side of me is bipolar. Just because they can, Miki, Em and Tars call the pragmatic side of me 'Nayru' as well. I'm totally fine with it. At least, the weird side is. I'm not sure what 'Nayru' thinks, because I'm pretty much the non-green, _slightly_ less-dangerous version of the Hulk; I don't remember anything Nayru sees or does when I switch personas, so my friends have to give me updates. It's very embarrassing. They don't even have to ask me if I'm Nayru or not, they know just by the way I talk, apparently.

I honestly don't know if voice-in-my-head Nayru and split-personality Nayru are actually the same people. I might ask her later; I don't think she's awake yet.

…_SHIT I AM __MESSED UP_.

Sighing, I lay down my quill and blue leather-bound journal (that was not from around here, I might add) on the floor in front of my La-Z-Boy armchair and stood up. I walk up to my fellow Zelda fan and I _once again_ teach her the Wii U's basic controls, accessing the inventory, how to walk without falling into the lava, pretty much how to actually _use_ it. Once she was confident to give it another shot I sat down on the ground next to her.

My very best friend Tara, sat on the floor right next to me, eating something out of a big red plastic bowl beside her while playing Majora's Mask on the Nintendo DS she brought over from her house. From it, I could hear the eerie tune of the Stone Tower temple.

Tara Whitley (whom I've graciously dubbed 'Tars') had brown hair cropped just above shoulder height, which is usually in some sort of bob. The third youngest of the quartet, Tara is 14 years old, but looks 13. She looks almost exactly like me, but shorter, both in height and hair length. She usually wears, and is now wearing the Song of Storms hoodie I got for her birthday, a 'Kiss me, I'm Hylian' T-Shirt, jeans and canvas shoes with a picture of Wind Waker Link on the left shoe and Wind Waker Zelda dressed in full regalia on the right.

Tara is usually quiet out in public, but she can be very fierce when she wants to be. She's also a terrible liar. Truly excellent at art (but not so great at sport), she always criticises her own abilities and is rather pessimistic. She had a strange obsession with Fi, cats and saying 'mew'. She absolutely _despises_ the pairing GhiraFi and Ghirahim as a person. If she so much as hears his name, she'll punch the person who said it. In the face. I, uh… learnt that the hard way. Afterwards, she always says: "He'll _never _get Fi! Fi is _MINE_!"

Like I said, strange obsession with Fi.

Tara looks, acts and dresses so much like me that Em and Miki, our own _parents_ have to look at our clothes, how tall we are or our hair length to know who's who. Or just mention Ghirahim's name if they felt daring.

My eyes widen as I catch sight of the bowl next to her; it was empty, save a few crumbs and some yellow icing. The evidence was also peppered across her mouth and her signature Song of Storms hoodie.

"…Tara?" I say through gritted teeth.

"Ja?" she replied, her eyes still glued to her DS screen.

"…Did you _eat the last Triforce cookie?!_" I snarl, suddenly quite annoyed.

Tara immediately stopped playing MM, knowing me well enough to know what happens whenever someone pisses me off. _Nothing_ good happens when I'm pissed off.

"…no…" she lied, shifting her eyes elsewhere while stashing her DS safely behind her.

"_YOU ATE ALL THE FUCKING COOKIES!_" I scream at my bestie. "_AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAVE SOME FOR __ME__, BAKA!_"

"I-I didn't know you wanted some!"

"_YOU KNOW THAT VERY WELL, TARA! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND FOR FUCK'S SAKE!_"

"_Tanya!_" I felt a hand on my shoulder. Spinning my head around, I saw none other than Mickey Grace sitting behind me, looking quite unimpressed and bored. Then again, she always looked bored. "Shit Tanya, calm down."

Mickey and I had bad habits of swearing _way_ too much.

Mickey Grace (whom we've nicknamed 'Miki' (me-key), also because we're lazy) had shoulder length, almost platinum-blonde hair with the bottom half dyed purple, usually worn in a stubby ponytail. At around 15-ish years of age, she had hazel eyes, pale skin and a very thin figure because she hardly eats. If she does eat, it's always boring food, like dry toast and digestive biscuits. Miki usually wore skinny jeans, almost knee high converse shoes and a shirt that always displayed a band. Now, it was Linkin Park.

A bit like Evie Mae, she is a very sarcastic person with a very colourful vocabulary but has almost no personality whatsoever. She was quite monotone, pretty much just a human Fi that doesn't speak in jargon and always insults you.

Though she can easily get on someone's nerves, she was quite remarkable at cooking with low supplies and could be an enjoyable person to be around. As long as you didn't embarrass yourself around her or look like an idiot, you'll be fine. Ish.

I pout like a little kid. "But _muuuuuuuuuuuuum_ I _love Triforce cookies… _they've got _Triforces_ _on theeeeeeeeem…_"

Miki removed her hand from my shoulder and just stared at me, looking all the world like she was watching paint dry. "Me and Em can bake some more if you're going to be a brat about it." I didn't bother to tell her we didn't have that much milk left.

"Em and I," I correct. Though my brain was messed up, I was very good at anything related to grammar, and always annoyed the other three when I corrected them.

"Yeah whatever." Next to 'No shit, Sherlock', this was Miki's trademark line. Whenever she says this, it means 'this conversation is over'.

With this in mind, I stand and walk to the kitchen to get some Coke. At the doorway I stop and look over my shoulder.

"Oh, you owe me a new pot plant, by the way," I remind Miki.

She smirked a little. "I suggest that you take a look for yourself and see that it was actually that $400 blender."

"**_WHAT_**_?!_"

Wrenching the kitchen door open, I peer inside. There, I see on the floor the remnants of…

…a potted plant.

I shoot a dirty glare at Miki.

"It was just a suggestion," she shrugged. I facewall, because my palm just isn't enough.

"_Taaaaaaanyaaaaaaaaaa…_" I hear Em again.

"PUSH THE BUTTON ON THE RIGHT!" I screech without even looking up.

"That's not what I need help with!"

Groaning loudly, I pace to Em and, without even asking her what was wrong, forcefully shoo her out of the player's beanbag chair, sit down in it and shove a handful of popcorn from a nearby bowl into my mouth.

"Honesh-ly Em," I sigh through a mouthful of popcorn, picking up the Wii U controller and battling through the Earth Temple with skill and ease. "Shum-times I wond'r 'bout you."

Em just pouted and folded her arms. "It's not _my_ fault you're a Zelda nut!" she whined.

"Aren't we all Zelda nuts, though Em?" said Tara, who, judging by the music I could hear, was up to the Twinmould Boss Battle.

Sighing, Em plopped herself down next to my beanbag and helped herself to some popcorn. "I guess…" she muttered.

Though my attention was focused on the game (actually, not really, I could defeat the entire dungeon with my eyes closed), I could tell that Tara was staring enviously at Em's hair. Tara's parents never let her so much as highlight her hair let alone dye half of it. My parents let me dye two streaks of colour into my hair: a blonde one somewhere behind my right ear about two years ago and a blue-black one just above my forehead half a week ago.

"Damn Floormaster," I mutter, trying to manoeuver Link around the somewhat nostalgic foes. "I hate these things."

"I don't know a single person who doesn't," said Em with a mouth half-full of popcorn. "…but I'd rather have them than ReDeads."

I shudder a little. "Ugh… I hate those even more. I'm not even sure which I would rather face: A ReDead or a Dead Hand."

"Are you kidding?" I heard Miki say. "Those scared the shit out of me as a kid."

See, this is one of the only things Miki and I actually _agree_ on.

"I say ReDead," Em decided. "Not a Dead Hand. Dead Hands made me piss myself the first time I saw one."

Miki snorted.

"_I was seven! _Seriously, _what the hell _was Nintendo thinking when they rated it E?!"

"But ReDeads can paralyze you just by screaming," I point out, turning to face them. "And they butt rape you. I'd rather face a Dead Hand. They're about as slow as King Zora when he's scooting over and you can actually _get away _from them."

"But their _hands_," Miki complained. "It's like _Slenderman_."

"Did you _have_ to bring that up?! We're talking about _Zelda_, not freaking Creepypasta!"

"I know that!"

"_Then why did you bring it up?!_"

"_It's a free world!_"

"_No it's not, it's a free country, which is why New Zealand is so awesome; both the country and the nation on useless Italy!_ _ But anyway, it's off topic!_"

"_Whaddya mean 'Off topic'?!_"

"_Exactly how does Slenderman correlate with a Dead Hand?!_"

"_Look at its hands!_"

"_I know very well what its hands look like, thank you very much, my childhood won't stop reminding me!_"

"_Then you should know what I'm talking about!_"

"_Yes, I get your point, but can you __**please**__ refrain from talking about Creepypasta?!_"

"_Oh SUCH great manners! But why not, Creepypasta is fucking awesome!_"

"_Yes it is, but one pasta I read __scarred me for LIFE__!_"

"_And which one would that be?!_"

"_I ain't telling you; you wouldn't stop bringing it up!_"

"_Just tell me, baka!_"

"_Did you just call me a 'baka'?!_"

"_Yes I did, baka!_"

Believe it or not, we're being _friendly_.

Without even noticing it, Em slid the Wii U controller out of my hands and continued playing the game while Miki and I exchanged pleasantries, having long gone accustomed to our lovely conversations occurring almost hourly. But then…

"Uhm… guys?" muttered Em, staring at the screen, hands frozen with confusion and slight irritation.

Neither of us heard her but continued to chat pleasantly:

"_DID YOU JUST CALL ME A 'BITCH'?!_"

"_YES I DID, BITCH!_"

"_I FIND NAYRU MUCH EASIER TO HANDLE THAN YOU; SHE DOESN'T EVEN YELL!_"

"_WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?_"

"_WHY DON'T YOU JUST SWITCH NOW, IT'D BE A LOT BETTER!_"

"_NAYRU IS A PART OF ME, BAKA! AND BESIDES, I CAN'T SWITCH EVEN IF I WANTED TO; IT JUST HAPPENS RANDOMLY! I'M PRETTY MUCH THE REAL-LIFE VERSION OF SMÉAGOL AND REMUS LUPIN MIXED TOGETHER!_"

"_YOU AREN'T AS AWESOME AS MOONY AND WHATEVER THE HELL SMÉAGOL IS!_"

"_OH YEAH? WELL I-_"

I immediately stop talking and my face goes totally blank, staring straight ahead with wide eyes for a moment. My expression was not scared, but monotone.

"Finally," Miki folds her arms and smirks slightly. "Nayru? Is that you?"

I look at her with a _very_ slight smile. "Hello, Mickey."

"'Sup?"

"What were you and Tanya doing just now, may I ask? My throat is aching."

"Meh, we were talking about creepypasta-"

"You were arguing again, weren't you?"

"Yup. We were just talking about you, actually, how you never yell and stuff."

"I do not see the point."

"Apparently, she does. I find you a lot better than her; and it's weird to say that 'coz you two have the same face."

"Then… why are you two friends?"

"…honestly, I have no idea. She's annoying."

I glare at her. "What, and you aren't?! _You are such a baka, you know that?!_"

"What the – Nayru, you _never _yell!"

"That's because I'm not Nayru, idiot! I was just faking to piss you off!"

"Well you _succeeded, _I'll give you that!"

"No wonder Nayru doesn't yell; you're nice to her!"

"_Because she doesn't yell!_"

"GUYS!"

Miki and I immediately stopped our delightful conversation and looked exasperatingly at Evie, who glared at us.

"Okay, first: shut the fuck up. Second: who the hell unplugged the TV?" she accused. Miki and I exchange a glance, then look back at Em.

"…we've been standing here this whole time, baka. We're not even _near_ the TV," Miki pointed out. Em swivelled her head to glare at Tara, who was sitting in the exact same spot she'd been in for the past 10 minutes. She raised her hands in surrender.

"Hey don't look at me," she said. "Why the hell would I unplug the TV? Besides, I've been fighting Twinmould with the Fierce Dee-tee mask this whole time."

"Deity," I correct her pronunciation.

"Whatever."

"Well, _who_ would like to explain how the hell the TV just shut off on me?" complained Em. "I seriously hope the Wii U didn't shut down either; I was just about to save!"

"Maybe it just… broke?" shrugged Miki.

Before anyone could say anything else, a loud but distant booming noise was heard, directly followed by a bright, brief flash of light visible from the window.

"Was that… thunder?" asked Tara. "…and _lightning_?"

I wince slightly and exchange a nervous glance with Tara. I could tell that neither of us knew whether to rejoice or panic, a somewhat warped sense of déjà vu settling over my mind.

Quickly, I pace back to the La-Z-Boy chair I was originally sitting in and I pick up my journal and pen, stuffing them into my hoodie pockets while mentally thanking the Golden Goddesses that both were waterproof.

_Any minute, now…_

Without warning, the TV suddenly let loose a high-pitched sound and its screen flashed a bright white, nearly blinding the four of us. Instinctively, I throw up my arms to shield my eyes, and judging by the various cries of pain and surprise I heard, I know I'm not the only one who did.

"_What the fuck?!_" I heard Miki swear loudly. "_Who the hell did that?!_"

"_No one_," I reply, having the mad urge to laugh. "Yo Tars, should we panic or should we jump for joy?"

"Eh, it depends!" I hear my bestie retort. "This better not be Hero Mode!"

I laugh. "Don't worry, it's not; it should be easy! So… we getting swords from Orca or something?!"

"Well _duh!_ No Horwell and Owlan on Outset! What about the tunics, though?!"

"No idea! We'll figure it out when we get there!"

"This'll kinda suck, actually! There are no loftwings in Wind Waker!"

"Yeah… I'll miss Nayru."

_What about me?_

"No, not you Nayru," I sigh. "Oh by the way, hi."

_Greetings, fellow adventurer._

Tars and I were somehow keeping our heads. I couldn't hear anything from Em, and Miki…

"_What the fuck are you two talking about?!_ _This is not the time to act all deranged – HOLY SHIT!_"

…yeah, she was handling fine.

I don't need to uncover my eyes to know what's happening; the strange sensation in my midriff backing me up. "Lemme guess, we're floating in mid-air, about two feet from the ground?"

No one answered, sans some person who made a weird noise that sounded like a cross between a cough and a hiccup.

"Called it," I murmur as everything flashed white.

**-TLoZ-**

_Once again…_ the first thing I was conscious of was darkness.

Then, just like last time, came the sounds.

This was not my living room; even without my sight this fact was clear as day. Instead of the plush surface of my carpet, I could tell I was stomach-down, lying on my left cheek in something soft, wet and grainy. My head was spinning, I was cold and I felt a very slight morsel of nausea. Taking a tentative sniff, my nose detected the faint aroma of salt and my ears could hear what sounded faintly like waves crashing down on the shore. I smile very slightly, not needing to open my eyes to know where we were.

Then I heard the voices. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't Nayru.

"_B-but, they might need help…_"

My ears weren't really working right and the voices sounded slightly… fuzzy, but it wasn't hard to make out what the person was saying. Instinctively, I kept my eyes shut tight, pretending to be unconscious.

"_Sis, we don't know anything about them. Look at their clothes…they look funny. And their hair…they're definitely not from Outset._"

"_But brother, look at them! They're just lying there, helpless… we can't leave them here, they'll get sick! They might just be from another island and got caught in a storm and washed up here or something!_"

"_Aryll, I don't even know if there are any islands that have a dress code like that._"

Aryll?

"_Link. We are bringing them in and that's final._"

**Link?!**

_Ohmaigooooooooooooooooo-_

I hear a soft laugh.

"_…__sometimes I wonder if I really am the eldest._"

"_You definitely are. It is your birthday today. Mine isn't until another few months._"

"_I know that. This tunic is really hot; couldn't the Hero of Time have worn something a little more… oh yeah, you've still gotta give me that birthday present you promised._"

"_I know, I know, I'll give it to you after we get these people somewhere safe, okay?_"

"_…__but…how are we going to move them?_"

"_We could ask the other islanders for help…_"

Collecting all the information I needed from that simple conversation, I interrupt the young girl's voice with a loud groan and a fake cough as I try to push myself up off the ground, clearly signifying I'm conscious. I finally open my eyes but stare fixedly at the wet sand beneath me, not daring to look up in case I keel over both with the effort it took and just plain fangirlish-ness.

"Oh! That girl over there's awake!" I heard the girl say, her voice much clearer now that my ear's cleared up somewhat. I hear a few '_splat_' sounding footsteps headed in my direction, confirming a slight suspicion that I was on the beach.

That's when I realized my jeans are completely soaked. Excellent.

I managed to make it onto my hands and knees when I feel two pairs of hands lightly rest on my shoulders and try to help me to my feet.

"I'm f-fine," I choke out, trying to push the hands away while doing my best not to shiver or rub my arms; the water had already soaked through my clothes and I was freezing.

"No, you're not," a young girl's voice squeaked. "You were lying in cold water for about 10 minutes, you might have hypothermia."

Slightly surprised that someone that sounded so young knew how to correctly pronounce 'hypothermia', I manage to stand without any support and I brush as much wet sand off of my face and clothes as I could.

"Where are you from?" I heard a male voice this time; the same male I heard talking earlier.

"I'm…" I pause for a moment, keeping my gaze firmly locked onto my arms, not daring to look up. "…not f-from around here. I gotta check on m-my f-friends."

I quickly spin around and I felt a slight bite of worry. Three unconscious bodies were lying in the sand near a me-sized dent in the ground. I scamper to the closest one lying on her back, which judging by the hair was Miki. Falling to my knees next to her I lightly tap her cheek to see if there was any response. I received none.

"Damn it," I mutter quietly, moving onto another one of my unconscious friends, which was Tara. Panicking slightly, I do the same to my bestie, and, to my immense relief, her eyelids fluttered open slightly before shutting again, groaning slightly.

"…I feel s-sick…" she muttered.

I laugh a little. "C'mon, get up, f-fellow adventurer." Weaving an arm around her back, I help her get to her feet. She rubbed her forehead, wincing slightly.

"Jeez…why does this a-always happen to _us_?" she complains, sounding as cold as me.

"F-for all we know, being s-sucked into video games is p-probably a daily basis for another p-pair of deranged teenagers out th-there," I laugh, and Tara even manages a slight chuckle before wincing.

"Eugh…" she groaned slightly, clutching her gut. "I think I'm gonna b-be sick…"

I flinch, pretending to be disgusted. "Eew. If you're going to do it, don't d-do it on my hoodie! This cost me twenty b-bucks! Not including shi-shipping!"

Tara snorted. "Shi-shipping?" she laughed.

"Quiet, you."

"What's a 'bucks'?" I hear someone ask behind me; a young boy's voice.

"I… what we call rupees," I reply, not daring to look behind me.

"That's… weird."

"Big brother, we have to get them inside!" I hear a young girl this time.

"Okay sis, okay," the boy laughed.

Supporting Tara's weight, I take a deep breath and finally force myself to look at the two newcomers.

"Oh…" I mutter, nearly dropping my bestie altogether as my limbs felt like they turned to jelly.

In front of us stood two very familiar children.

One of them was a young girl who couldn't have been older than seven. Slightly shorter than her companion, she had light blonde hair styled in two ponytails and bright, curious eyes. Fitted in a simple, blue dress with two large, red flowers printed on it, she was holding in her hand a red telescope with two small seagulls on it. I instantly knew that this was Aryll.

Standing next to her was a young boy, clearly twice Aryll's age. Taller than his companion, he had a mop of blonde hair the same shade as his sister's, styled in bangs that slightly shrouded his emerald eyes. Fitted in a _very_ familiar green tunic, he also had on his signature green cap that no Link should be without. And, of course, both of them had pointed ears; the signature characteristic of all Hylians.

"…uhm…" muttered Tara, obviously feeling exactly how I was. "…h-hi…"

**OH MY HYLIA I'VE FINALLY FINISHED IT THIS TOOK ME ****_AGES_**** AAAAAAAAAA-**

**Yeah.**

**_YES_****I'm using the same OCs from SS: TAI (which I'm still working on, don't worry) but I was too lazy to make up new ones. Don't judge me.**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND SHOUT AT ME WHY I DID SUCH A HORRIBLE JOB AT THIS I'M PRETTY SURE I OVERLY-DESCRIBED THE CHARACTERS PERSONALITIES I'M SO SORRY-**

**Yeah.**

**I'm sorry this took so long but I wasn't really allowed on my laptop during the holidays so I had next to no time to write, and my internet shut off. Again.**

**Yeah.**

**Hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!**

**Psst, seekrit message to TMCP: How'd I do? Yeah, I know. Terrible. But anyways, TheMultiColoredPencil it is now ****_YOUR TUUUUURRRRRRRNNNNN!_**

**Review, tell me just how badly I did this, and follow to catch the second chaptah (which I ****_know_**** will be much better than this)!**

**Yeah.**

**Also, the Creepypasta Tanya read is one based off the Hetalia fandom, but I'm not going to post the name on here just for your sanity's sake. But I'll give a hint.**

**You'll ****_never_**** look at the Axis Powers the same way ****_ever again_****.**

**Aha, I can see you guys going 'ohh ****_fuck_**** not that one!' If you somehow know which one I'm talking about and you haven't read it, ****_DON'T FREAKING READ IT. _****Unless you can stomach really gory and very heart-breaking things.**

**If you have read it… you can understand why Tanya doesn't wanna talk about it.**


	2. Introductions

**Tanya: *glances at watch* Hmm… she should have been here six seconds ago…**

…**what? Who? What are you doing?**

**Tara: Waiting for TMCP.**

…**uhm, okay, but why is- *gestures to Tanya, who's glaring at the door***

**Tara: Oh, she's hoping to act in a chapter that you didn't write.**

**Hm. That's understandable.**

**TheMultiColoredPencil: *enters* Helluuu….?**

**Tara: Yay! You're here! D'you bring the script?**

**TMCP: Yeah, got it right here.**

**Tanya: All right then! Let's get this scene over and done with! I'm hungry!**

**TMCP: You're gonna eat in this chapter, anyways! *looks at you* Sorry this took so long and stuff… Well, at least you got it. BE GRATEFUL FOR MY HORRIBLE WRITING SKILLS DX …or don't. No one is forcing you to.**

**AWLRAIGHT! So… you ready to start directing then, TMCP?**

**TMCP: Hell yes! *presses button on remote***

**-TLoZ-**

**INSANE REALITY  
><strong>**A Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Self-Insert**

Characters (excluding OCs) and scenario belong to the fabulous Nintendo!  
>Mickey and Evie belong to TheMultiColoredPencil<br>Tanya and Tara belongs to The Hero of Time 1998  
>Chapter 2 by TheMultiColoredPencil<p>

Chapter 2: Introductions

**-TLoZ-**

*****3****RD**** PERSON*****

Evie woke up, and stretched her arms out, sighing. She turned over.

"Five more minutes, mom…" she mumbled weakly, faintly noticing that her pillow felt like wet sand. She heard a childish gasp.

"She's awake!" a young voice said.

"No duh, Captain Obvious," a sleepy Evie responded.

"Are you OK?" an slightly-older male voice said. Evie opened one eye to glare at whoever woke her up.

And saw _Link_.

Evie sat bolt upright, straight as an arrow, suddenly wide-awake and freezing cold.

"_What the-! _W-Where am I?" she stuttered, rubbing her arms and shivering.

"You're on Outset!" The girl with blonde pigtails said.

"Hey Evie! You're awake!" yelled someone Evie immediately recognized as-

"…_Tara?!_" spluttered Evie. "…or… are you Tan-no, you're Tara."

"_Yes_, I'm Tara. Notice the hair length? But anyways, you _finally_ woke up. Jeez, and here I thought you were a light sleeper."

"…Yeah, I figure I'm the last one awake," Evie said, then craned her neck to see her other 3 friends, but there were only 2.

"Miki didn't wake up yet," explained Tanya. _Tanya's the one with the really, really long hair,_ Evie mentally reminded herself, differentiating the two T's.

"Oh," Evie said, then shuddered again. The young girl and the boy turned to talk. Tanya mouthed: "We're in Wind Waker!" to the blonde and blue haired girl.

"I know!" Evie mouthed back. "I'm freaking out, but I know!" Tanya arched an eyebrow at this but said nothing.

"You should go to our Grandma's house and give you some of her soup to warm you up!" The young girl giggled.

"I'm Link, and that's Aryll," The boy said. Evie wished to scream "I KNOW!" and kiss him (she had always had a crush on him) but instead she said, "Nice to meet you!"

"What about Miki?" Tara asked.

"I'll just have to carry her," Link said, then stretched.

"I don't think I got your names," Aryll said. "I know the sleeping girl is Miki."

"I'm Tara," Tara said.

"Tanya," the girl with the long braid said. "Sometimes Nayru." She muttered the last part.

"I'm Evie!" Evie exclaimed, like it was worth exclaiming.

"You have odd names!" Aryll said. Link picked up Miki and walked towards his Grandma's house.

"Said the girl whose name sounds like 'arrow'," laughed Tara. Link turned to Evie.

"So…Evie…" he said aloud. He faced Tara. "Tanya…" He turned towards Tanya. "And… Tara?"

"No, I'm Tara, she's Tanya!" Tara said. All of a sudden a fist collided with Link's face, making him drop Miki. Miki landed on her feet.

"Don't fuck with me," she hissed at Link. He stared wide-eyed at her, clutching the side of his face.

"MIKI!" shrieked Evie, unsure of whether to hug her friend for not dying or punching her in the stomach for beating up a kid.

"Me," Miki said, then looked at Link. She extended his arm to him. "Need help there weakling?" Link warily took her hand and she easily hauled him up.

"Thanks," he said, looking at her strangely.

"Don't mention it. Ever," Miki said.

"You're stronger than I thought," Link said.

"Whatever, like I give a fuck," she said. Evie glared at her while Tara's eyes bulged at Miki's language.

"I'm Link and this is Aryll," Link said.

"I know," Miki said. He looked at her.

"You gonna invite us in or gape at me all day?" Miki asked. Link shook his head and opened the door. Aryll pulled at Miki's sleeve.

"Yes, young fuc-" Miki started.

"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE AROUND CHILDREN!" Evie interrupted, sick of Miki's obscenities. "You've already said the F word 2 times, almost a third!"

"Fine, I'll rephrase. Yes, young child?" Miki asked with a sickeningly-sweet and fake tone.

"You dropped this," Aryll held up her iPod. Miki snatched it.

"Hey, it survived the water," Miki said. Her other three friends stared at her iPod with lust.

"Mine," Miki said simply. "Not like we're going to get Wi-Fi." Tara giggled at the last syllable. Soon they sat in the loft and ate Grandma's soup. Aryll went out to explore and Link left to go…do whatever Link does. Probably working with Orca on Link's sword skills.

"So this is what it tastes like," Evie whispered loud enough for Miki to hear, staring at the bowl of soup in wonder and delight.

"Yeah, and it's a disappointment," Miki whispered back. Then Aryll called the girls.

"Link fell asleep. Wanna go wake him up and give him my telescope? It's his birthday present!" she said in a cute voice.

"Sure! Let's go!" Evie said.

"I don't want to move," Miki said. Tanya and Tara exchanged glances and, without saying a word, took each of her arms and started dragging her off the loft of the house. Both smiled at how in-sync they were, and seriously wondered if they were related.

"Okay, okay fine! Put me down, dammit!" The group of five walked to the watchtower, oddly silent. The four humans knew what was coming next.

"BIG BROTHER!" Aryll shouted. Evie groaned.

The five awakened the sleeping boy and gave him the telescope for his birthday. The four girls stood back uncomfortably until they heard bird screeching.

Without hesitation, Miki was gone to the forest, quickly followed by Tanya, Tara, and Evie.

"You girls stay-" Link started but realized he was too late. They had left without weapons and he could clearly see Miki running ahead, Tanya and Tara side by side (it looked like they were discussing something), and Evie struggling to keep up.

**TMCP: Yeah, yeah. Its short, it sucks.**

**No, it doesn't.**

**TMCP: Yes, it does.**

**No, it doesn't.**

**TMCP: Whatevah. Well, now it's THEHEROOFTIME1998'S TURN! HAHA!**

**FAHK I DON'T WANNA. …okay fine.**

**TMCP: Review and stuff…Or don't. Your choice.**


	3. Adventure Time!

**_Ohhhh my God, I suck so badly I'm so sorry for keeping you guys waiting blame the writer's block it was all HIS fault please don't hate me for not updating for…_****hey, how long was it since I last updated?**

**Tanya: *checks* Hum… about three months-**

**_NANI?!_****I mean, ****_WHAT?!_**** Three mo-… uhgh…I fail at life. Well anyways, this is a late as hell update but I was sick to death of leaving you guys with only two chapters, so I decided 'To Hell with it! I'm just going to post what I've got!'**

**Soo…yeah. Here's a very, very short chapter for you guys and gals. It's only 5 pages long, so don't expect a lot from it. I got stuck around the middle and the end**

**Tara: *presses you-know-what***

**-TLoZ-**

**INSANE REALITY  
><strong>**A Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Self-Insert**

Characters (excluding OCs) and scenario belong to the fabulous Nintendo!  
>Mickey and Evie belong to TheMultiColoredPencil<br>Tanya and Tara belongs to The Hero of Time 1998  
>Chapter 3 by The Hero of Time 2998<p>

Chapter 3: Adventure Time!

**-TLoZ-**

*****3****RD**** PERSON (for once in any of my fics, now that I think about it XD)*****

"Hurry up, damn bitches! Don't take all damn day! I wanna get to the damn forest and find that damn pirate and get back to our own damn dimension, damn it!"

"Stop thinking everything's damned, Mickey!"

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP TANYA! AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!_"

"That's your real name, douchebag! It's on your birth certificate and everything!"

"_YOU STAY OUT OF THIS TARA!_"

"H-hey, guys! Wait up! Please! S-slow down!"

"Seriously, Evie?! I thought _I _was a slow runner!"

"You are, Tara. Running up and down the Surface with Rinku-sama got you more fit though, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but… didn't you, like, run away from me the entire time with Zayulduh, Tanz?"

"Yup. …Hah, this is the weirdest conversation we've ever had."

"Hai. And that's saying something, considering all the weird conversations we've had."

"Hey! What are you two bakas even talking about?!"

"OH, HEY TARA HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW DELICIOUS PASTA IS?!"

"YES YES I HAVE ACTUALLY. THANK YOU FOR DISCUSSING PASTA WITH ME FOR THE PAST THREE MINUTES!"

"YOU'RE WELCOME, TARS! IT'S NOT LIKE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, RIGHT?!"

"RIGHT!"

"…Wow, we suck at acting."

"Seriously! Can't ya guys wait a mo? It's…argh…it's really…hard to…keep up with you…guys…"

"Come on, dumbass! It's not that hard to _run!_"

"Says the super-super-fit one!"

Sooner or later, the girls finally made it to the freakishly long and rather dangerous-looking bridge. Collapsing onto the ground in front of it and sighing contentedly, Evie laced her fingers behind her head and closed her eyes, catching her breath and resting her aching legs. Sitting down beside Evie, Tara clutched the stitch in her side, grimacing while Tanya fell back onto the ground, back colliding with the dirt so hard she winded herself. Miki just stood there, seemingly unaffected by the run, glaring at her rather unfit, panting friends.

"Oh wow, you guys. How athletic," she remarked snidely, folding her arms.

"Screw being athletic!" Tara declared, pointing straight up at the sky as if she had just spotted Skyloft or something. "I'd rather play Majora's Mask than go running."

"Pretty much everyone here thinks that, Tars," said Evie, propping herself up on her elbows and peering at Miki. "Well… _almost_ everyone." Scoffing, Miki made a waving gesture at the girls on the ground.

"Whatever!" she said. "You guys don't even do PE that well at school!"

"It's not our fault we aren't as fit as you, Miki," said Tanya, sitting up. "Besides, as long as I get at least a C, I'm good." Tanya eyed Miki curiously. "How do you run so fast anyways since you eat pretty much nothing, Mick-ster?"

Miki glowered at Tanya. "_What did you just call-_"

"_HEY!_"

Miki's eyes widened and she clamped both hands on her ears. "NO!" she screamed. "YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKING NAVI!"

Evie shrugged. "It could be the Postman."

"FUCK NO IT ISN'T! THIS VOICE IS TOO ANNOYING!"

"…who the… heck is Na…vi?" asked Link, clutching his sides in pain. "Jeez, you girls run fast." Quickly glancing at Evie, Tara stood up, brushing dirt off of her clothes.

"Yeah, we're athletic like that," she grinned at him, ignoring the loud snort from Miki's direction. "But anyways, did you get that sword from Orc – ow, I mean… didya… get anything that might help us save Tet – OW HOW ARE YOU TODAY RINKU-CHAN?"

"Stop talking," Tanya said simply, standing up right next to Tara who was hopping on one foot, tightly clutching the other with an expression of pain. "Sorry 'bout that Link; she's… still a little shocked from being washed up so far from our island. That and she has mental problems." Link's brow raised a fraction as the other two girls nodded in agreement at that last bit.

"So you guys… _did_ come from another island?" he panted. "You're clothes were… really weird so I thought… hey, what island _do_ you come from, then?"

"…u-uh… we come from…" Tanya trailed off, trying to think up a fake island that sounded realistic.

"We come from New Zealand!" someone blurted out.

There was a moment of silence, and every female head turned to glare at Tara, no longer hopping, who had announced this fact. Quickly standing up, Evie walked up to Tara and smacked her in the back of the head.

"Ow!" Tara squeaked, rubbing the spot where she'd been hit.

"Tara…" Evie hissed quietly in her ear. "New Zealand _does not exist in this freaking dimension you freaking baka_._ Neither does America, for that matter. So SHUT UP._"

"New Sealand?" said Link, furrowing his brow in confusion. "Where's that? I've never heard of that island before."

Grinning, Tara hissed something back to Evie and stepped forward to Link, hands on her hips.

"You haven't?" she asked him. "Well kid, you dunno what you're missing out on! New Zealand is the awesomest island in existence! Sure, quite a lot of people don't really know it exists but it is pretty cool, if I do say so myself! You wouldn't believe how much sheep we have there-"

Tanya, shaking her head at the babbling girl, walked up to Evie and tapped her shoulder. "What did she say to you?" she asked her quietly.

"-and I've heard somewhere that we've got the best seafood in the world because we're so near another island called Antarctica, but 'coz of that we have less ozone so our cancer rates are pretty high, which sucks but ah well-"

"She said: 'It does now'," Evie replied.

Tanya facepalmed. She dearly hoped her friend knew what she was doing; exposing a now non-existent country to a supposed-to-be-non-existent character.

"-but last year New Zealand was rated #1 in human freedom by this newspaper called the New York Times! I was like "HA! And _America_ is the land of the free! Phht." but I didn't say that out loud because it might be offensive so I-oh yeah, America is another island which is way bigger but I-mmf!"

"Tara," Tanya said with a level voice, hand clamped tightly over Tara's mouth. "Shut up. You're freaking Link out."

Every female head turned to Link, who was staring at Tara in such a bemused manner that she might have just grown a second head. Tanya shook her head to herself and sighed. Honestly, she loved Tara to pieces, but that motor mouth of hers could turn Her Grace Hylia into an axe murderer. She even let loose a giggle when she realized that _yet again_ Tara managed to leave a rather unattractive first impression to a Hylian hero in green.

"Hey Link?" said Miki. "Ignore everything that idiotic baka just said. The truth is, we're from a boring fucking island in the middle of this boring fucking ocean, and she has mental fucking problems. End of story. Now can we just please carry on?"

"Calm down first," Evie said to her.

"I _am_ calm," Miki hissed through her teeth.

"No, you're not."

"_Yes, I AM_."

"Keep calm and carry on."

Miki had the strong urge to punch Evie in the face.

"…err…" the young Hylian muttered. Link was suddenly unsure that helping these girls was such a good idea.

After the quartet had finished resting, and Tanya convinced Link to try and ignore the other girls, the group of four-now-five observed the bridge with considerable interest.

"Grandma says I'm not allowed on this bridge without an adult," said Link, peering cautiously at the rickety thing. "so I wouldn't fall off by accident and hurt myself."

Miki rolled her eyes and yawned. "No one cares, kid."

"Mickey Grace!" Evie chided her. "Be nice! Link and Aryll helped us when we could have gotten pneumonia, and all you've done is swear at them!"

"_Hypothermia_," Link corrects her. "Pneumonia is when you get water in your lungs." The quartet of girls stare at the Hylian in surprise at this. Link shrugged. "Everyone on the island has to know that stuff, just in case something happens to someone in the water."

Evie nods, genuinely impressed. "Cool," she says.

Miki scowls, genuinely pissed. "Whatever," she says.

**-xXx-**

It took a surprisingly long time for the five youths to cross the bridge. It took Tara a whole two minutes to convince Link that it was safe to cross; she even jumped up and down on it to prove its stability. And even then, Link practically _crawled_ across the bridge as if he thought it as equally trustworthy as Tanya whenever she was within five miles of unguarded Triforce cookies.

After everyone was across, an unresolved matter suddenly crossed Evie's mind.

"…uhm, Link?" she said, bringing everyone's attention onto her. "How many swords does Orca have?"

Link looks at her with his deep green eyes, and Evie needs all her willpower not to glomp the boy right then and there.

"Why?" he asked curiously.

"'Coz we, uhh… don't really have anything to fight with."

An awkward silence ensued for precisely five seconds before Miki huffed.

"Are you fucking _kidding me?!_" she screeched at Evie. Miki grabbed the girl's shoulders and starts shaking them. "You're telling us _now?! Right_ when we've already fucking convinced Link to fucking cross the fucking bridge?!"

"Stop saying 'fuck', Miki," said Tanya in an irritatingly calm voice.

"_Shut the fuck up!_"

"And there she goes, dropping the f-bomb again," Tara sighed.

"Hey Miki," Tanya says, stooping down to pick something up. "Why don't we just use sticks or something?"

Miki stopped cussing for a while, scowling at the object Tanya was holding. It was just the perfect stick to hit something with. Huffing, she snatched it out of the brunette's hand.

"Fine," she spat.

Tracking down three more suitable stick-weapons for the rest of the girls, the five then trudged along into the forest.

**-xXx-**

The five people crept into the forest, weapons at the ready. Link and Miki took the lead with Tara right behind them and Tanya and Evie at the very back. Apparently, this formation helped them not to talk to anyone.

Nothing happened immediately though; all that was heard was the tweeting of birds and the snapping of twigs under a shoe.

"I don't like this forest," said Evie after a while. "It's so dark and creepy."

"D-do you think," stuttered Tanya. "T-there are any wild animals in here?"

Link shot her a quizzical look. "Wild animals?"

Tanya nodded quickly. "Yeah… like lions…and tigers…maybe a few bears…"

"Lions?" said Evie, eyes widening.

"And tigers?" asked Tara.

"And bears," nodded Tanya.

"Oh!" gasped Evie. "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"

"What's a lion?" asked Link, shooting the girls a quizzical look.

**This is short. Yes, I know. Please don't hate me.**

**Here, have a cookie, you awesome you ^^ (::)**

**Here, have another one just because I feel generous (::)**


	4. Epic Fight Scene is Epic!

**((Sorry about that, Zetra. Something went wrong =_=" But at least I fixed it!**

**…****it's fixed, right?))**

**Guys. GUYS.**

**AN EARLY CHAPTER. REJOICE! CELEBRATE! OR JUST READ IT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT!**

**-TLoZ-**

**INSANE REALITY  
><strong>**A Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Self-Insert**

Characters (excluding OCs) and scenario belong to the fabulous Nintendo!  
>Mickey and Evie belong to TheMultiColoredPencil<br>Tanya and Tara belongs to The Hero of Time 1998  
>Chapter 4 by TheMultiColoredPencil<p>

Chapter 4: Epic Fight Scene is Epic!

**-TLoZ-**

*****3****rd**** PERSON****

"I'll tell you what a lion is later. Let's just focus on the task at hand," Miki said. "Keep your guard up!"  
>"Miki, you worry too much," Evie pouted.<br>"I worry just enough. You worry too little," Miki growled. Just then a monster was dropped in front of them. Miki quickly beat it shitless.  
>"How come you got to beat it?" Tara whined.<br>"I'll let you get the next one then," Miki growled.  
>A few more of the pig-like Bokoblins fell from the sky. Tara took them both out, but her stick broke after the fatal blow on the second one.<br>"Dammit!" She groaned.  
>"Just stay behind me," Miki ordered. "Be prepared to run like hell though."<br>"If my memory serves me right, those were the last ones," Tanya remarked.  
>About 7 more Bokoblins dropped and Evie gave Tanya a death glare.<br>"What?" Tanya asked. "It's not usually like this!"  
>Both Link and Evie's sticks broke during this wave, as Tanya and Miki smacked the remaining Bokoblins senseless.<br>"I think that's it," Miki remarked carefully, but oh, was she wrong. Ten more Bokoblins kept them from Tetra.  
>Tanya's stick broke after the first one she defeated, and Miki's broke after two.<br>"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Miki said, yelling at the end. "Everyone, get away! I'll kill them!"  
>"There's like seven left! You can't do it alone!" Evie remarked.<br>"But I have to try. It's what friends are for. I can't let any of you get hurt." Miki sent Evie and her friends a compassionate smile and walked into battle.  
>They wanted to follow but just couldn't go against Miki. If they didn't die in that fight, they'd die after her scolding.<p>

Miki was nervous. She didn't have much martial arts training and her enemies had weapons, but her friends' lives were on the line, and she couldn't risk that.  
>"Wanna fight? Let's fight."<p>

Tanya, Tara, Evie, and Link all watched in awe as Miki kicked and punched her opponents, and barely got hit herself. One was sneaking up behind her and Miki didn't seem to notice.  
>"MIKI BEHIND YOU!" Evie yelled. Miki turned around to get a sword blow to the stomach. She grimaced and lost her balance. Red liquid soaked through her ripped shirt exposing a deep gash. Miki quickly recovered and looked at her remaining opponents. There were three. She grabbed the first one's arm and smacked it into the other so they fell and while they recovered, she butted heads with the remaining Bokoblin and hit him where the sun don't shine (if they even have that... part. Miki didn't check nor did she want to) the other two Bokoblins had recovered and stood at either side of her. They charged and she ducked as each other's sword made contact with the other's skin, causing them to go up in a purple smoke.<p>

Not five seconds after her victory did her friends rush over and help her up.  
>"MIKI!" Evie yelled.<br>"I'm fine," The girl spat.  
>"You're not," Link noted.<br>"I'll be fine," Miki argued.  
>Before any other argument could ensue, Tanya and Tara did the most genius thing ever.<br>"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!" Tanya started. Link looked super confused. Poor Linky.  
>"AND WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TILL THE END!" Tara continued.<br>"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!" The two girls chorused.  
>"NO TIME FOR LOSERS 'CUZ WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS..." Evie continued, and three pairs of hopeful eyes turned to Miki.<br>"Of the world." She said lightly, glaring. All the girls knew she was actually a decent singer.  
>"I can't hear you!" Evie said, sounding like the man from the SpongeBob theme song. Miki sighed and glared at her best friend.<br>"OF THE WORLD!" She sung with her heart before collapsing over in a fit of coughs.  
>"MIKI!" All the voices chorused together.<br>"I'm good. Just dandy," Miki argued.  
>"You are not!" Evie argued. Before this argument got too bad, Link butted in and handed Miki a bottle half full (or half empty?) of his leftover grandmother's soup. Miki looked at it and hesitantly glugged down the remaining half of the bottle. Her wound quickly healed, leaving her with an odd tingling sensation, but her shirt was still ripped and blood stained.<br>"Hey guys, is that Tetra?" Tanya, the voice of reason, said, reminding them of the task at hand.  
>"Now if you guys wouldn't CROWD me," Miki huffed.<br>"We do not 'crowd' you. We surround you!" Evie said, using air quotes around crowd.  
>"Same damn thing," Miki sighed.<br>"THERE YOU GO WITH EVERYTHING BEING DAMNED AGAIN!" Evie shouted, which woke up Tetra.  
>Tanya and Tara gave each other a knowing glance, as in shit was about to get real.<p>

**Guys. Give TMCP some credit. She typed up this entire chapter and it rocks.**

**Here, have a cookie. (::)**


	5. Everything Falls Apart

**If this chapter seems rushed, that's because it is. *clings to* Please forgive me….I rushed to finish it and when I finally typed the ending it was 5:30 am-**

**Also, Happy Valentine's Day you beautiful people!**

**-TLoZ-**

**INSANE REALITY  
><strong>**A Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Self-Insert**

Characters (excluding OCs) and scenario belong to the fabulous Nintendo!  
>Mickey and Evie belong to TheMultiColoredPencil<br>Tanya and Tara belongs to The Hero of Time 1998  
>Chapter 5 by The Hero of Time 1998<p>

Chapter 5: Everything Falls Apart

**-TLoZ-**

*****3****RD**** PERSON*****

There were days which Link had no regrets. Whatever he did that day was for a good purpose and had no consequences whatsoever. Those days he didn't have to look at his past actions and just ask himself "Why did I do that?"

This _probably_ wasn't one of those days.

Link just stood there and gawked and the weird girls bemusedly. They were so weird! One of them wouldn't stop squealing whenever he looked at her, another kept swearing and punching him and the last two were so in sync it's as if they were one person split apart.

He still couldn't figure out why he'd even helped them in the first place. Sure, hypothermia was nasty, but he didn't get these girls. That and they all dressed and talked funny. That Tanya girl called them 'British and American accents', but the Hylian didn't even know what the heck they were. Everyone talked the same on Outset.

Link didn't have much time to wonder because that girl that huge bird was carrying had fallen off the large branch her clothes somehow snagged on and fell towards the ground at high speed…

"YAAAH!"

…only to land directly on Miki with a dull _thud_.

"OW! FUCK! GET OFF ME!"

Without a word, Tanya and Tara simultaneously stepped up and gently pulled Tetra to her feet, both doing their best not to fangirl (outwardly, anyways) while Evie pulled the wincing Miki to her feet.

"Jesus, man," she hissed at the pirate captain. "How much do you eat a day?!"

Huffing, Tetra stood and dusted herself off. "Well, excuuuse me, Princess! I'm so dreadfully sorry that I landed on you!"

"Oh, spoken like a true gentleman-pirate-lady-baby-girl-hylian-thing!"

"…what?"

"_Fuck you, that's what!_"

"Miki!" exclaimed Evie.

"What?!"

Tanya rubbed a throbbing temple. "…we should just drug her and leave her somewhere."

"Agreed," nodded Tara. "It'd be easier on the kid's ears."

**.:~:.**

"Un-fucking-believable!" exclaimed Miki, stomping along with the group. "So I cross this rickety fucking bridge and fight these ugly fucking Bokoblins to save your fucking asses and then fucking _Little Miss Perfect_ here decides that I'll be a fan-fucking-tastic pillow for her fat ass after she falls out of a tree and _now she fucking runs off with guys in pirate gear without even a fucking word of thanks?!_"

"Miki," sighed Evie. "You really need to cut down on your swearing."

"_SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!_"

Tanya, who was covering poor Link's ears with her palms while Tara defended her from any pesky flies that dared come too close, just called out to Evie to not bother trying. "It's just in her nature to swear at every opportunity," she shrugged.

"I guess you're right."

"Aha, but I'm always right."

"…Just then you sounded like every normal woman who ever graced the planet."

"Call me normal one more time and I will push you off that cliff. And laugh. While eating cheese."

"Nice to know I have such good friends."

"I feel like some cheese now."

"I don't care."

"Does cheese even exist here?"

"I don't know."

"Someone get me cheese."

"No."

"I want _cheeeeese_."

"I don't _caaaaaare_."

"Thanks, PewDiePie."

"Friday with PewwwwDiePieeee~" sang Tara, swatting a stray branch.

_Girls are so weird, _thought Link, shaking his head a little as they neared the bridge once more.

**.:~:.**

After countless promises of Triforce cookies to Miki upon return to their home dimension and Tara saving Tanya from nearly walking straight off the edge of the cliff, the two groups of people finally made it back to the rickety bridge without any more trouble.

If Evie wasn't mistaken, Tetra and Miki exchanged a particularly nasty look with each other. Looks like their first impression wasn't the absolute best.

"'Hoy! Big Brother!" a cheerful, young voice called out from the other end.

Every head turned to glance at Aryll on the opposite side of the bridge, waving enthusiastically at her sibling. Every female present without pointed ears audibly gasped, every single one recognizing the situation immediately. For a split second, Evie's crystal blue eyes flickered to Link.

"_Oh shit-_" Miki swore.

"Tanz, we've gotta stop her," Tara whispered.

"Aryll's gonna get bird-napped if we don't do something, guys," hissed Evie, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her eye.

"No, we're not doing anything," Tanya hissed back. "We're going to stand here and do nothing, don't interrupt the story."

"_Are you fucking kidding me?!_" Miki snarled. "She's just a little fucking kid, you seriously expect us to juststand around when-"

"_Yes, I do._"

"What _are_ you lot talking about?!" Tetra quizzed, peering at them strangely. She'd only met them a few minutes ago and already she didn't like any of them. Except maybe that boy in green. He didn't talk much, at least.

"That's none of your fucking business, princess!" Miki snapped. "Mind your own beeswax and just stay over by your pirate bodyguard why doncha?!"

"Whoa Miki," Tanya intervened, grabbing her arm. "Please don't start this again, you'll just make things worse for us -"

"The bridge," Miki said suddenly, eyes widening at something behind Tanya. Or rather, the lack of.

"What?" she said, glancing behind her. Tara and Evie weren't there.

"THEY RAN ONTO THE FUCKING BRIDGE!" Miki screamed, tearing her arm from the brunette's grasp and sprinting onto the creaky thing.

"…oh."

"Your friends are weird," Tetra pointed out to Tanya, sniffing disapprovingly at them. "Especially… that one," she gestured to Miki. "I don't like that one."

"Yeah…sorry about that," Tanya said awkwardly, glancing over her shoulder. "She's kinda introverted."

"…what's that mean?"

"Uhm, she's not really a people person."

"I got that part."

"I kinda figured you did," she sighed, turning to face the bridge again. "I'm just gonna go see if-"

That's when everything fell apart.

The conversation was short-lived as an ear-piercing squawk and a powerful gust of wind swept over everyone, toppling them over and sending them crashing to the ground.

"OW-" Tetra cried, the side of her head colliding with a small rock. Gonzo quickly helped her to her feet.

Tanya wasn't hurt, she just wiped dirt off of her face and forced herself up off the ground, glancing upwards. Her eyes widened and she momentarily stopped breathing.

Mickey Grace was currently screaming every single curse word she knew in various languages at the top of her lungs while she clung tightly to a plank of wood, bottom-half of her dangling precariously off the bridge and above a dangerously high drop…

…while Aryll, Evie and Tara were all ensnared in a gigantic bird's clutches, being flown away as they screamed in sheer, absolute terror. Their voices were only barely heard above the sound of beating wings as the impossibly vast bird flew away.

"BROTHER!" Aryll was reaching out a tiny arm, helpless in trying to reach her sibling.

"OH MY GOD I'M GONNA DIE TANZ HELP-" Tara was clinging tightly to the claw she was trapped in, eyes squeezed shut in fright.

"MIKIIII-" Evie was in the same predicament as Aryll, reaching out to the dangling girl with intense panic.

"Evie MAE YOU PIECE OF SHIT-" Miki shouted, trying her best to pull herself up. Tanya quickly leapt up, had a small bout of dizziness and rushed to Miki's side, grabbing her shirt and yanking her back onto solid ground.

Miki jumped to her feet and rushed after the bird, not really noticing (or caring) that she was headed straight for the edge of the cliff.

"Miki, wait!" Tanya rushed after her, tackling the elder to the ground. "You're gonna fall!"

Miki didn't respond. All she did was glare at the Helmaroc King with a fierce intensity and glassy eyes.

Link sprinted past the two, his sights also set on the bird that'd kidnapped his sister. Unlike Miki, he actually made it past the cliff face and would've fallen to his death had Tetra not run after him and catch his wrist.

But the two weren't concerned about him at the moment.

Tara and Evie were gone.

**.:~:.**

She honestly expected Miki to start swearing profusely, scream at everything that moved and maybe kick up a bit of a fuss now that half of their squad had been snatched away by a huge damn bird, but Tanya hadn't anticipated such a reaction as this. She was about as bad as Dudley Dursley when he found out he only had 36 presents.

Oh yes, she swore, she screamed and kicked up a fuss now that two of her friends were gone…but she started hitting trees, breaking branches, ripping grass and Tanya, Tetra and even Gonzo had to physically tear her away from the bridge so that she wouldn't rip it straight off of the cliff.

Needless to say, Miki had a much more violent reaction than Tanya had ever anticipated.

After a few minutes of destroying everything in sight, the blonde finally tired out and just collapsed on the ground. Tetra was hiding behind a rock clutching her sword, visibly shaking from seeing exactly how angry she was, while Gonzo was standing nearby with his sword drawn. Tanya sat down beside her, mindful not to make any sudden moves or to touch her.

Miki surprised them all again after suddenly curling up into a ball and bursting into tears.

"…Miki?" Tanya said softly. "Are you….crying?

"N-no…" the other replied in a shaky voice. "I'm sweating through my eyes...dipshit…"

"How original," Tanya noted. "…are you okay?"

"F-fucking _Evie Mae_ was just snatched up by a huge fucking bird and you expect me to be 'okay'?!"

"You know what happens after this Miki, they'll be fine without us-"

"But they're _not meant to fucking BE HERE_! Who's to say that the fucking pig-head won't just throw them out to sea?!"

"You don't know for sure if that'll happen."

"Well YOU don't know for sure that it won't fucking happen!"

Tetra finally calmed down enough to sheath her sword, staring silently at the two bickering girls.

"They're so weird…" she muttered, shaking her head in wonder. Gonzo nodded in agreement.

**.:~:.**

"What?!" said Tetra, eyes widening a bit. "You want to come with us on our ship?"

The three remaining people of the group all agreed, meaning Link and Tanya simultaneously nodded while Miki shouted: "What do you think, fuckwad?!"

Tetra put her hands on her hips and gave them a look. "…do you understand what you're asking? We're pirates! You know….PIRATES! The terror of the seas!"

Miki narrowed her eyes at her. "If you don't let us on your damn ship then pirates won't be the only terror around here," she threatened quietly.

Tanya placed a gentle, uneasy hand on Miki's shoulder. "Calm down, Miki, it'll be fine-"

Miki smacked her hand away. "It will _not_ be fucking fine and you know it!"

Gripping her shoulder and turning her away from the others, Tanya spoke under her breath. "It. Will. Be. Fine."

Miki just smacked her hand off again and walked away. Tanya, going against her common sense, followed.

"Look, I know why you must be upset," she tried to empathize. "But we've got to keep a level-head; wrecking everything you see won't help right now."

"Well just standing around and doing nothing won't really help either, in case you haven't noticed!"

"We're _trying_ to convince Tetra to let us board her ship! Now she doesn't really like you-…us that much so it's gonna take a while. Standing around and doing nothing is the only thing we can do right now, okay?"

Miki didn't reply straight away. She just glanced over Tanya's shoulder to see the Bird Postman thing explaining details to Tetra, who looked a tad guilty. Serves her right, the little fucking princess.

A long, long pause ensued.

"…she was my girlfriend," whispered Miki.

This took a while for Tanya to process. "Wha?"

"She was my girlfriend," she repeated in a worryingly monotone voice.

"What? Who?" Tanya said dumbly, registering the new information.

"Evie," she said. "We're together."

"Wait, wait wait, wait just a damn second," Tanya butt in. "…as in, she was your friend girlfriend or….girlfriend girlfriend?"

Miki shot her a glare. "What the fuck do you think?"

"I dunno! It's just…meeh…I dunno. I didn't….think…you of all people…"

Miki just awkwardly stood there, half-expecting a homophobic response, slurs or repeated yelling that God hated fags and that she should just go burn in Hell (having Tanya as a Christian didn't make it easy). What came was a pleasant surprise.

"…that is so cute!" she fawned. "How long have you been together? When was it official? Who made the first move?! Oh my Gosh I've only just found out and this is a new OTP! I've gotta write this down…"

"Whoa whoa, wait a sec," Miki interrupted. "You….don't mind?"

Tanya laughed a short, sarcastic 'ha'. "Me? Mind a homosexual relationship? Do you even know me?"

For a split second, she could've sworn that she saw the slightest flicker of a smile on Miki's lips.


End file.
